The drafts on top are the original manuscript pages as it has been written. On the bottom are my edit drafts with my handwritten comments.
Let’s start off with the weird format issue at the top. When I prepared page 9, I realized that I was getting this issue sometimes when I pasted the page into a blank Word document. It is an issue that I need to watch for, but one created by my process for the blog, not one that’s actually in the original document. ]
That first line after the format issue really needs to be expanded. I can see my trigger word “had” in the sentence. Much like I discussed last week in my blog on “was” there are certain words that are triggers. I’ll discuss why “had” is a trigger words later this week. I wanted to get this page out there so I could use it as an example for that post.
Now, please note that I had a line of “he was reminiscing…” which I changed to “he reminisced…” See how that got rid of the “was”? I said I’d discuss some techniques for getting rid of “was” and this is one of them. Whenever you can, change that -ing verb to -ed and kill the was. There are times when you might want it to reflect a state of being and you would keep the -ing verb, but I find those very fleeting.
I like the “was” in the following sentence. This one could be cleared up easily by rewriting the sentence to “How exactly did one stay present in every moment?” It’s less wordy, but honestly I’m not sure I like it better. Being present is a state of being so the “was” might actually stay.
After that, I have so word clusters and other things to clean up along with a touch of research to do. Page 9 also has some cleanup. I do also need to work on the intensity of this scene, but we’ll come back and use it as an example when I write my blog post on action scenes.
Go back through the page and read the proposed changes. How would you incorporate changes? What would you do? Do you see something I missed. Comment below. Then we can have fun and see how the page develops into the second draft together.
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