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Dragons of Wellsdeep – pages 10 & 11 edit

Dragons of Wellsdeep_pg10_Dawn Blair

Dragons of Wellsdeep_pg11_Dawn Blair


 

Dragons of Wellsdeep_pg10_edited_Dawn Blair

Dragons of Wellsdeep_pg11_edited_Dawn Blair

 

The drafts on top are the original manuscript pages as it has been written. On the bottom are my edit drafts with my handwritten comments.

When the writer gets confused about what’s going on, it’s not a good sign. I did have to ask myself why I had Moonhunter waste time reaching over the seat for Balthier unless he was checking to see if he was okay or maybe to hoist him back into the seat. You’ll notice that a lot of times I do ask myself questions when I’m editing and that’s to help spur my thinking. I’m throwing out suggestions to myself. I even do this when I’m editing for others to help stimulate their ideas.

I have been told repeatedly that I have an issue with dangling participles and modifiers. Even after 40 years of writing, I don’t claim to be great with grammar. These dangling thingies have made no sense to me for years. Then, my youngest son sat down and explained it to me using one of my stories. The light bulb went on. I saw it, I got it. Now I’m beginning to see it in my writing as you can see from the bottom of page 10. That’s a good sign that I’m learning. To keep this learning going, I now have to learn how to fix it and once I can do that I’ll begin to reprogram myself when I’m writing so that it’s automatic as I’m drafting. This might be a very long way for me to go, but I’ll get there. I use to be very heavy with the trigger words of “was” and “had,” but I’ve retaught myself. There’s a lot of times when I’m writing that I’ll recognize that a sentence will need to be rewritten and my brain will work faster than my fingers so it automatically comes out cleaned up. I know I will get to this point with dangling modifiers too, after I learn and train myself to fix them.

Page 11 looks like it was run over by a big truck and it’s bleeding out everywhere. The writing was not tight. There are things missing, mostly description and series of event issues. I can hear the audience screaming, “More, more, more!” That’s not a bad thing; I just have to work harder.

I will transcribe all my chicken scratches here here for you. The passage should read:

When his eyelids opened, his vision filled with the sharp clarity of dragonvision. A red veil magnified his attackers as though they were only meters in front of him. The three men standing on the ridge wore cloaks of tanned hide. The one in the white and black fur yelled at the other two men, who were having a hard time holding onto the large blaster…

It’s still not a perfect edit, but that’s how I have it suggested to read now. It gives me a starting point. Having something to work with is important. A description of their attackers probably should come much sooner than this and I’ll rewrite to have the description used as a pace controlling device (so much more on that later!). As I’ve said before, this really is a first draft and I’m discovering the story as I’m writing — I didn’t know about the dragonvision until this moment. Surprise! So, my challenge will be in weaving all these elements in so that the reader isn’t jarred while reading the story. This is working the craft. It takes time and patience. If you aren’t willing to work it to be your best with all the knowledge of your craft that you have at that given moment, then maybe you should stop. It’s like me with learning about the dangling modifiers — I didn’t know any better before, but now I do and I will fix forward. I want to write and publish the best stories I can and I hope I’m always improving. I hope you desire the same thing.

Go back through the page and read the proposed changes. How would you incorporate changes? What would you do? Do you see something I missed. Comment below. Then we can have fun and see how the page develops into the second draft together.

Don’t forget about my Patreon page. Let other writers in your online and offline circles know about this blog so they can come get the help they need too. Let’s make better stories!

Happy writing!

Get started

I thought we’d play a little game to get the ball rolling. Shall we begin?

What’s the most important part of writing?

Quick, think of your answer! Five — four — three — two — one. What’s your answer?

Did you say, “Having an idea?” Or what about a character? Do you need that to start writing? Maybe you think you need a computer. Word processing software. Oh, oh, what about a program like First Draft which will help you develop your plot. That’s a must-have, right?

Or is it about putting your butt in the chair and doing the work? Half-an-hour or more of uninterrupted time to yourself to think? What is the most important thing?

I’m might surprise you here — you don’t need any of that. None!

It’s great to have an idea for a story or, as what often happens to me, a character that you want to write about, but people write non-fiction based on something they know everyday, so those things aren’t necessary to write. You can write on a computer, or with a typewriter, or with a pen and paper. You can write on a voice recorder and have someone transcribe it later. So there is no required hardware. There is no need for fancy software either. So, the answer must be in making the time, right? Nope! I’ve written standing up in the line at the supermarket, and I’ve used both my smartphone and pencil and paper to do this several times. I often spend 10-15 minutes writing in the morning before I get ready for the Day Job. I’ve recorded passages for my book while driving to work — one of the reasons I always take the country roads to work instead of the highway. The phone just sits on the seat beside me while I yammer and drive along at 50 miles per hour.  I can’t imagine trying to do this at 80 with so many other people on the road. After all, you never drive just for yourself, but for everyone else on the road too! (Great advise my father gave me a long time ago and I think more people need to hear. Speech over.)

So what’s the most important part of writing?

Getting the words down. It doesn’t matter what you write, fiction or non-fiction, the most important is getting it out of your brain onto something that you can edit later. Nothing matters until you get started.

Here’s a little experiment I’m going to run:

I have a story titled The Dragons of Wellsdeep and I’m currently writing it. Each week, I’ll post one page from the story and we’ll edit it. I have no idea where the story is going — it’s not that well developed. I’m just writing and trusting the process. We’ll build this story from the ground up. Normally, I would write the whole manuscript before going back and editing, but for the sake of giving good examples for you to learn from, you’ll share this journey with me. I might end up getting several chapters in and end up scrapping the whole thing because it isn’t working. We’ll see. But I have faith in the process and I’m being led to share this journey with you in this fashion.

Here’s our schedule:

On Thursdays, I’ll release a blog post about writing or editing to help you with the process. Here’s where I will edit someone else’s work or answer a question from you (find out how to submit your work or your question here). Don’t be shy. Anything you submit will help someone else too.

On Sundays, I’ll release the page for The Dragons of Wellsdeep as well as my current thoughts about the manuscript and potential edits I will make. Your comments are welcomed too.

Let’s get started, shall we?