The drafts on top are the original manuscript pages as it has been written. On the bottom are my edit drafts with my handwritten comments.
There’s not a whole lot I can say here. There’s a lot of information being passed along as dialogue. It’s hard to say at this point how much will be kept and what will be cut because the reader does need to know a lot of this. It kind of explains the last few pages.
There’s also the obvious break which needs to be a chapter break since the next scene takes place some time later on a different planet entirely.
Go back through the page and read the proposed changes. How would you incorporate changes? What would you do? Do you see something I missed. Comment below. Then we can have fun and see how the page develops into the second draft together.
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